PAGE Q
FUNNY STORY "PORK FUND"
Pork fund projects are brought to you courtesy of the United States Congress, and of course, "THE LAUGH TIME". Boy, we can hear the bacon sizzling on this 17+ BILLION DOLLAR
issue, so we thought it would be fitting to ham it up a little. "THE LAUGH TIME" has a problem
with congress ignoring our suggestions and we feel porked again! We have asked Congress
to fund several projects over the years that are beneficial to everyone, to no avail.
"THE LAUGH TIME" staff resents that, as our suggestions are extremely important to the
American public. The following projects we suggested were rejected for funding by Congress.
(#1), Fund a study to find out how long it takes for paint to dry at 2.2 MILLION DOLLARS.
(#2), Funding to see how long it takes for grass seeds to sprout for a mere 1.7 MILLION DOLLARS, and 1.1 MILLION DOLLARS to find out how often grass needs to be mowed.
(#3), 2.1 MILLION DOLLARS in funding to find out if people prefer 2-ply or 4-ply toilet paper.
(#4), 400,000 DOLLARS in funding to see if cookies will bake faster in a gas oven or an electric oven.
(#5), Funding of 3.8 MILLION DOLLARS to see how many naps a kitty takes on any given day.
(#6), 2.3 MILLION DOLLARS in funding to find out if the Earth has enough gravity.
(#7), Fund 3.8 MILLION DOLLARS to find out if anyone ACTUALLY LAUGHS at ANY stories that are written by "THE LAUGH TIME", and another 4.1 MILLION DOLLARS to see if people find "THE LAUGH TIME" stories even funny.
(#8), Fund 1.9 MILLION DOLLARS to study how Congress can pork spend 17+ BILLION DOLLARS.
(#9), Fund 1 MILLION DOLLARS to see if the 1.9 MILLION DOLLARS is enough money for Congress to pork spend 17+ BILLION DOLLARS.
(#10), Fund 200,000 DOLLARS to find out if a bee sting will cause an allergic reaction in people allergic to bee stings.
(#11), Fund 3.3 MILLION DOLLARS to study how long it takes to spend 3.3 MILLION DOLLARS.
(#12), Fund 1.9 MILLION DOLLARS to see if anyone objects to funding 1.9 MILLION DOLLARS to study if Congress can pork spend 17+ BILLION DOLLARS.
(#13), Fund 2.8 MILLION DOLLARS to study if Congress does studies on funding pork spending funding.
(#14), Fund 1.1 MILLION DOLLARS to see if you find this story funny yet.
(#15), Fund 1.1 MILLION DOLLARS to see if you think Congress is funny yet.
(#16), Fund 3.0 MILLION DOLLARS to find out if Congress thinks this story is funny.
(#17), Fund 1 DOLLAR to study why Congress has nothing better to do with taxpayer money then fund funds.
(#18), Fund funds of 17+ BILLION DOLLARS just for the funds of it!
Yup, Pork Fund Funding Congress Funds Funding........Hey, it's only your tax money funds! FUND MORE FUNDS FOR FUNDING CONGRESS FUNDING FUNDS!
Here is a quick link to America's #1 taxpayer watchdog, THE PIG BOOK, "CITIZENS AGAINST GOVERNMENT WASTE" AT http://www.cagw.org