pageg FUNNY STORY "ETHANOL CRISES"  "I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE HAVING A PRODUCTION CRISES FARMER HAYE SEDE." WAS ASKED BY REPORTER WILL E. GITIT. "WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE NATURE OF THIS CALAMITY?" "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY YOUNGSTER? WHAT'S A CLAM BAKE ANYHOW? 'ER DID YOU SAY MY CLAMS ARE CRYING? AIN'T NO CLAMS 'ROUND THESE PARTS OF THE COUNTRY. YOU MUST BE LOST. I UNDERSTAND THEY HANG OUT IN SOME MIGHTY BIG WATERING HOLE, COURSE 'YA CAN'T DRINK OUTA THERE, LAND SAKES ALIVE BOY, THAT WATER AIN'T FIT TO SWALLER, THAT STUFF TASTES LIKE SOMEONE THREW A BUNCH OF SALT LICKS IN THERE! YOU ALL MUST BE A CITY SLICKER. THE ONLY THING AROUND THESE HERE PARTS ARE CORN FIELDS. I SURE LIKE CORN. DO YOU LIKE CORN SONNY? I SEE THAT YOU DROVE UP IN ONE OF THOSE NEW FANGLED CONTRAPTIONS, WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT THING ANYWAY?" ASKED FARMER HAYE SEDE. "NO, NO!, I SAID, I HEARD THAT YOU WERE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH YOUR CORN. YES, I AM FROM THE CITY AND I'M DRIVING A HUMMER! MY EARS POPPED ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TOO." COMPLAINED REPORTER WILL E. GITIT. "WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED, I REMEMBER BACK IN 19 OT 20, I GOT MY FIRST CAR. I DROVE HER INTO TOWN EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT. GOLLY, SHE WAS A REAL LOOKER TOO. HER NAME WAS BESSY. SHE HAD A BUNCH OF HORSES IN HER TOO, I THINK THERE WAS AROUND 5 ALTOGETHER. SHE WAS SO FAST I GOT THE WILLEY'S SOMETIMES. I REMEMBER IT COST ME A PRETTY PENNY BACK THEN TO FILL 'ER UP, ABOUT $1.10, CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?" FARMER HAYE SEDE RECALLED. "THAT'S A MAZE ING. ANYWAY, WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW, IS WHAT KIND OF A PROBLEM ARE YOU HAVING WITH YOUR CORN, FARMER HAYE SEDE," GRILLED REPORTER WILL E. GITIT. "OH, SHUCK'S, THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' WRONG WITH MY CORN. SOME REVENUER CAME BY LAST WEEK AND ASKED ME THE SAME QUESTION. IT TASTES THE SAME TO ME, WANT A BITE SONNYBOY? THE REVENUER SAID I'M NOT MAKING ENOUGH CORN FAST ENOUGH FOR OLD COMPANYS. I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY SOMEONE WOULD FEED THEIR OLD COMPANY JUST CORN FER SUPPER." FARMER HAYE SEDE GRUMBLED. "YOU HAVE TO BE PULLING MY EAR. I DON'T SEE ANY HUMOR IN THAT. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND! THEY ARE CALLED OIL COMPANIES, NOT OLD COMPANYS. THEY MIX YOUR CORN WITH GASOLINE SO THAT CARS DON'T POLLUTE AS MUCH.....IT'S CLEAN BURNING! THE MORE THAT THEY HAVE, THE BETTER OFF THE PLANET EARTH IS IN RELATION TO GLOBAL WARMING PROBLEMS." ATTEMPTED TO EXPLAIN REPORTER WILL E. GITIT. "AIN'T IT KIND 'O HARD TO GET THE CORN COBS IN THE GAS TANKS THOUGH, SOUNDS KINDA CORNY TO ME?!" QUIZZED HAYE SEDE. "UH, NO, THEY MASH IT ALL UP AND FERMENT IT FIRST, MIX IT WITH GASOLINE THEN IT GOES INTO THE FUEL TANKS OF CARS." REPORTER WILL E. GITIT RESPONDED. "WELL, AIN'T THAT A GAS. I LEARN SOMETHIN' NEW EVERYDAY! I AM A LITTLE CONFUSED THOUGH, WHAT ARE PEOPLE AND COWS SUPPOSED TO EAT IF ALL THE CORN GOES INTO MAKING THAT STUFF? ASKED FARMER HAYE SEDE, "IT SEEMS DOWN RIGHT FUELISH AND EAR ITTATING TO ME." "GEE, I REALLY HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THAT," REPORTER WILL E. GITIT THOUGHT OUTLOUD, "I GUESS MY HUMMER IS A REAL BUMMER AND THAT'S NO JOKE!" |