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PAGEh FUNNY STORY "HOW TO CREATE A WEB SITE?"
BY THE COMPUTER TECHS AT
"THE LAUGH TIME"
QUESTION: WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO CREATE A WEB SITE?
ANSWER: That's easy! First get an idea, that's the easy part. It's best to choose a topic that you don't know the first thing about. Once you have decided, get a thingy called a 'TEMPLATE', (it kind of looks like a sheet of paper with stuff on it that you can add your own stuff). You can make up one yourself, just get a piece of paper and a box of crayons. That will save you a bunch of money. Be different and creative, you don't want your web site to look like someone else might have already done the work for you. Then you'll want to build links to different pages on your web site. It doesn't make any difference where the links go as long as they go somewhere. That makes it fun for people trying to find a certain page that you have established. People appreciate having entertaining things to do, and it keeps them on your website for a long time. Then you need to have things called 'META-NAMES' and 'META-TAGS'. Search engines use 'WEB-CRAWLERS' or 'SPIDER-BOTS', (not to be confused with a SPIDER-BITES)! They look at your web site to make sure that everything is up to par. They are real scary looking critters, but don't be discouraged by them. They are usually pretty easy to deal with as long as you don't make them mad. So be sure that you never have anything that might upset them. They don't like it when you have other website links on your website, that's called 'GLOBAL LINKS'. The 'WEB-CRAWLERS' don't like to see those, especially other web sites that have your website listed and you have a link on your website back to them, those are called 'BACK-LINKS'! The 'WEB-CRAWLERS' will get upset if they have to read those and will give you a page rank of 0. Make certain that your website does not match anything in your 'META-NAMES' or 'META-TAGS'. For an example; If you create a website about 'FISHING', be sure to have 'META-NAMES' called ('KEYWORDS'), that should say; peanut butter, peanut butter and jelly, butter, flowers, fruit, vegetables. Anything that is NOT RELATED to your web site content on 'FISHING', this is absolutely critical! Of course, that may be a problem if you use the word 'JELLY', they might interpret that to mean 'FISH', so don't use that one! Whatever you do, keep repeating the same 'META-NAMES' and 'META-TAGS' words exactly the same on each web page that you develop, just as you did on your HOME PAGE. That way you will get a higher page rank! Then for your 'META-TAGS', write a brief and short description like; flowers like peanut butter and we gots lots of that there stuff on this hear webbed sight and I likes ta eat them. Be careful to misspell a lot of words too.... the 'WEB-CRAWLERS' love that! If you insist on having 'BACK-LINKS' to other websites, make extra certain that it is NOT in any way related to anything on your website contents or products! For a "FISHING" web site, you would want to have another website that's about canned fruit and vegetables. That gives the website 'SPIDERS' something to laugh about and the more un-related 'BACK-LINKS' you have the better. Be certain to check that those websites that you wish to exchange links with have a page rank of 0 or less. Afterall, your website has a 0, and "WEB-CRAWLERS' love to see an equal rating! 'WEB-CRAWLERS' also love to see that you got your 'BACK-LINKS', (sometimes refered to as reciprocating or exchange links), from farming places. That shows them that you really care about the environment. Now, you are ready to submit your website to all the search engines so that your site will be 'INDEXED'. You don't need to have your website completed to submit it first either, the 'WEB-SPIDERS' as well as the search engines find a lot of humor in doing that. NEVER submit a URL that stands for ('YOUR REALLY LOST'), that looks like this, they might think it's a joke ...................... http://www.thelaughtime.com/default.aspx It really confuses the search engines . Make it real simple like; W. I AM HERE!, Be sure to leave as many spaces as you can between the letters too! That way you are assured of being 'INDEXED'. Make sure to use lots of big pictures, DO NOT waste precious time on a lot of written stuff, that just takes up thinking space and the 'WEB-CRAWLERS' hate to read! If you are using a 'WYSIWYG' wizard, that stands for ('WHEN YOU SEE IT WATCH YOUR GOATS'). It's much better to use your own 'HTML', that stands for ('HOT TAMALES MOSTLY LAUGH'). All you need to do to make an 'HTML' document, is make things up like this; ><{} =% ,etc. It's real simple, just type anything that looks funny and strange with symbols that you wouldn't ordinarily type. It doesn't need to be in any particular order either. Afterall, it is a computer and it will figure it all out in the end because computers know what you're thinking!
Now wasn't that easy?!
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