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                                              FUNNY STORY

 

THE LEADER OF THE POLAR BEARS NORTH POLE UNION

DEMANDS COMPENSATION FOR THE DECLINE OF THE POLAR ICE CAP

AS REPORTED BY; C. SEAL AND SHIRLEY U. JEST

 

   "JUST LOOK AT THIS MESS," GROWLED MR. BEARIT, (PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED POLAR BEARS UNION), "THERE WAS A TIME WHEN WE NEVER BOTHERED HUMANS, (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A COUPLE OF TIMES), WHEN  WE WERE REAL HUNGRY OR THEY INTERFERED WITH US. WE ARE EXTREMELY UPSET WITH THE GLOBAL WARMING THAT YOU HUMANS ARE IMPOSING ON ALL THE BEAR POPULATION. IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE ALL OUR HOMELAND IS TOTALLY DECIMATED. AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED POLAR BEARS UNION, WE ARE DEMANDING REMUNERATION FOR DAMAGES IN EXCESS OF 70 BILLION DOLLARS. NO JOKE!" 

   "MR. BEARIT", ASKED BY REPORTER SHIRLEY U. JEST, "EXACTLY WHAT COUNTRIES ARE YOU POINTING YOUR PAW AT FOR THESE UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES? I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE UPSET, BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO SNAP AT ME!  WHAT WOULD YOU ACCOMPLISH WITH THE MONEY ANYWAY?" 

   "OUR OBJECTIVE ISN'T ABOUT MONEY, IT'S ABOUT OUR QUALITY OF LIFE. I RECALL WHEN I WAS ONLY A YOUNG CUB, MY MOM, BRUINHILDA, USED TO BRING SEA SEALS IN EVERY DAY, NOW WE HAVE TO GO HUNGRY FOR DAYS  ON END CLINGING TO A FLOATING ICE SHEET." SNARLED MR. BEARIT. "JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF YOUR  REFRIGERATOR  BROKE DOWN, AND ALL YOUR SEAL MEAT SPOILED. I  THINK IF YOU HAD TO HACK SICK SEA SEALS DOWN YOU WOULD GET THE POINT. DID YOU EXPECT US TO BE SILENT ON THIS ISSUE AFTER ALL THIS TIME AND JUST GRIN AND BEAR IT?"  

    "BUT MR. BEARIT," SQUEALED SKINNY REPORTER C. SEAL, "IT APPEARS YOU WANT MORE THAN SEA SEALS."

    SHIRLEY U. JEST, CHIDED, "YOU STILL HAVEN'T SAID WHAT YOU WOULD DO WITH THE MONEY." 

     "WELL, I UNDERSTAND CANADA MAY BE FOR SALE. WE COULD BUY FREEZERS AND STOCK THEM WITH SEALS FROM THE SOUTH POLE." MR. BEARIT'S STOMACH GROWLED WITH EXCITEMENT AT THE THOUGHT. 

     "UH, I THINK THE SOUTH POLE IS MOSTLY MADE UP OF PENGUINS." SHIRLEY U. JEST ADDED. "I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE MYSELF, BUT YOU MAY WANT TO RECONSIDER YOUR DIETARY HABITS. I MEAN REALLY, CONSIDERING YOU'RE A BEAR AND ALL, THERE HAS TO BE MORE THAN SEALS RIGHT?",

     "BOY HOWDY," AGREED REPORTER C. SEAL WITH HIS SENSE OF HUMOR. 

"REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET YOUR FILL OF SEA SEALS." SHIRLEY U. JEST EXPLAINED. 

     "POINT WELL TAKEN," SNARLED MR. BEARIT. "I HAVEN'T HAD A BITE IN DAYS."

 

THIS STORY DEDICATED IN THE MEMORY OF

"SHIRLEY U. JEST"

     

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